For our next trick, says the Newsquest manager, we're going to make all of our evening newspapers vanish - and replace them with brand, spanking new, morning papers!
Evening newspaper sales have been declining for the last 40 years as the public have discovered the radio, tv and now this thing called the internet, he drones. So what we're going to do is put all of our papers on sale at the time everyone is going to work. Because they will have, what we call, a longer shelf life, hopefully more people will read them nd circulation will pick up!
He, and it is usually a he, chuckles at his own villainy. Of course we're relying on the idiots - sorry, valued readers - who currently buy the paper (sent to press at 8.30 in the morning) thinking it contains today's news - to carry on buying it - after all, it's not like they've got any alternative...
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